


A Day in the Life of Death.

by Ink_and_Quill1678



Category: Fantasy - Fandom
Genre: Dark Humor, Death, Funny, Other, prose, why the hell not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 11:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_and_Quill1678/pseuds/Ink_and_Quill1678
Summary: The Angel of death comes home and gets unexpected visitors.





	A Day in the Life of Death.

A Day in The Life of Death.

 

A woman walked into her apartment complex and stopped by the mail box. She pulled out her keys and started to fumble with them cursing under her breath until she found the right one. The key slid into the lock and turned causing the mail box to spill its contents on the floor. She rolled her eyes letting out a groan. She picked up her mail then walked to the elevator at the far end. The elevator suddenly opened as another tenant walked out. She gave him a smile said hello then walked in. She used her free hand to hit the number three button. The doors closed and it started to move up. The elevator whirred as it moved up to the third floor then stopped the doors opening. She walked out into the hallway doing her best not to step on some old pizza boxes that lay strewn from the college students from down the hall. She got to her door and again fumbled with her keys getting the right one out. She opened the door walked in and closed and locked it behind her. She continued in and stopped by the small table next to the wall putting her mail down along with her keys then walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and looked at what she had to eat. Sushi, half a can of soda and a sandwich from the deli from down the block. She grabbed the sandwich and soda then walked into her front room and sat on the couch. She grabbed the remote and hit the power button turning on the news.

She was just getting ready to take a bite when she heard a knock at her door. She let out another groan then stood still holding her sandwich and walked to the door. She looked out the peep hole.

Shit, she thought.

She unlocked the dead bolt and threw open the door. On the other side a man in his thirties with neatly combed blonde hair wearing a three-piece suit stood holding a six pack of beer. His face lit up giving her a warm smile. His deep blue eyes almost hypnotizing her.

“Hey, nothing like a cold beer after a hard day’s work am I right?!” The man said lifting the six pack up jiggling it slightly.

She looked at him for a moment. Took a bite of her sandwich then with her free hand grabbed the six pack then shut the door on him.

“Oh come the fuck on!” The man said from the other side of the door.

The woman walked to the small table put her sandwich down then pulled a beer from the case. It was hot.

“It’s not even cold!” She yelled turning to the door holding up the bottle.

A few seconds later frost appeared on the bottle.

“There you happy now?” The man asked, “Can I come in now?”

The woman sighed then walked back to the door and opened it. The man stood there looking annoyed then held out his hands shrugging.

“Come on Satan.” She said stepping back.

Satan walked in and took off his coat. He walked to the small table and put it down and grabbed a beer for himself.

“I was just coming by to see how thing are going Azrael.” Satan said popping the top with his thumb, “We know you’ve been busy lately.”

“Don’t call me that Satan.” The woman said shutting the door and locking it.

“Fine. In that case I want you to call me Lucifer. Satan is so…passé.” Lucifer said taking a quick drink, “Well then Susan, how have you been?”

“Busy like you said.” Susan answered walking back to the table grabbing her sandwich and taking another bite.

“Well we did warn you about the job.” Lucifer said following her, “What’s on TV?”

“I don’t know I just got home.” Susan said now sitting on the couch.

“Hey did you see the new show about me?” Lucifer asked, “I heard they did a good job with it. Well then again the writer did make a deal with me…”

Susan rolled her eyes shaking her head.

“I see that you’ve been busy as well.” Susan stated then took a swig of her beer.

“Naaah...” Lucifer replied waving his hand dismissively smirking.

They both sat on the couch drinking and watching the news. After it was finished Susan turned the channel to an ambient music station and turned the volume down slightly.

“So what brings you to my door step?” Susan asked balling up the sandwich wrapper throwing it on the floor, “You don’t stop by unless you need something.”

Lucifer finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the floor next to the couch then got up to grab another,

“You want another one while I’m up?”

“Sure.” Susan said rubbing her head, “It’s not like I can get drunk anyway…”

“Well I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I think you are doing a bang-up job out there.” Lucifer said returning holding out the second beer to Susan who took it and popped the top, “I just thought I would stop by and make a personal appearance. Nothing like being praised by the boss huh?”

“What do you want?” Susan said annoyed propping her head with her hand.

“You always think that I want something!” Lucifer said putting out his hands at the accusation then added innocently, “I just wanted to stop by have a beer…or ten with our new angel of death that’s all.” Lucifer finished with a slight laugh, “Besides you know I got a bad rap.”

Susan just looked at him and let out a small laugh.

There were several knocks at her door again. Susan got up and walked to the door and opened it. Another young man in his twenties stood on the other side playing on his phone.

“HA! Got it!” The man said showing Susan the phone, “I finally beat that level of that bird game!”

“Jehovah…” Susan said then took another swig of her beer.

“May I come in?” Jehovah asked putting away his phone.

“Sure. Lucifer is already here.” Susan said letting him in.

“Oh, is he? Good I needed to talk to you both anyway.” Jehovah said walking past her.

Jehovah stopped by the table and pointed at the case of beer.

“Go ahead.” Susan sighed out walking back into the front room.

Jehovah grabbed a beer and followed her. He stopped when he saw Lucifer sitting on the couch who held up his beer and nodded.

“Well since we are all here let’s get down to business.” Jehovah said making a chair appear from nowhere then sitting, “First off I would like to thank you for your work out in Europe. That was a nasty bit of business but the souls appeared at my house and I welcomed them into my kingdom.”

“No problem.” Susan said finishing her beer and putting the bottle on the floor next to the couch.

“Now I am going to warn you tomorrow is going to be a really busy day. So, you might want to get some sleep for it.” Jehovah said making a scroll appear in his hand.

“Why do you do that?” Lucifer said pulling out his phone and scrolling his finger down the face of it.

“Well I’m old fashioned like that. Now you will be reaping about seven hundred souls. Two hundred and fifty are going to hell the rest are going to heaven.”

“Nights not over yet…” Lucifer said with a chuckle making several notes on his phone.

Jehovah looked at Lucifer for a moment then went back to speaking,

“The event will start about ten in the morning. And will end at eleven thirty at night.”

Susan pulled out her phone and made some quick notes then looked up from her phone saying,

“How do you want it done?”

“I was thinking something like a Michael bay movie personally…” Lucifer said looking up from his phone.

Both Susan and Jehovah looked at him staring a hole through him.

“I was kidding.” Lucifer said shaking his head going back to his phone.

“Earthquake. I think would be best or a massive storm just call me and let me know which one you decide.” Jehovah said folding up his scroll and making it disappear.

“Alright I’ll give you a call about eight in the morning, I have to stop by the hospital tonight and pick up the rest.” Susan said then looked at Lucifer, “You ready for your new arrivals?”

“Always! I can’t wait to get my hands on that old money embezzler.” Lucifer said smiling tapping on his phone, “I’ll admit that guy ruined some lives in his short seventy years on this earth. I’m kind of jealous.”

Susan rolled her eyes then turned to Jehovah.

“I didn’t know you drank beer?”

“Oh no I turned it into wine before I sat down. It’s a full bodied red slightly chilled.” Jehovah said taking a sip, “You know, I’m really glad I made grapes.”

“Well now we have that out of the way what else is on tonight’s agenda?” Lucifer asked looking up from his phone.

“Armageddon will be pushed back again.” Jehovah said looking at them both, “Lucifer and I talked about it for a while and we both decided it’s not quite time yet.” Jehovah then took another sip and looked at Susan, “Susan how have you been? Things going alright?”

“Busy as I can be but it’s a good job. I get to travel in the blink of an eye. Speak any language I want. And stop would be muggers. I nearly pissed my pants from laughing after he shot me and I was still standing.” Susan answered.

“Good!” Both Jehovah and Lucifer said as they stood, then looked at each other awkwardly.

“We’ll keep in touch.” Jehovah said taking another sip.

“Oh and one more thing.” Susan said looking at Lucifer now, “Stop trying to get me on your side. You are the one that argued that Armageddon should be evenly balanced. And it was agreed that I wouldn’t choose sides.” Susan finished pointing at him.

Jehovah looked at Lucifer who was throwing his arms out in protest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Lucifer said.

“Oh come on!” Susan said still pointing, “You stop by unannounced with beer or pizza or both. I don’t mind that part. But what I do mind is you trying to win me over.” Susan said putting her hands on her hips.

“Hell hath no fury…” Jehovah remarked doing his best not to smile.

“Hells a busy place and I like to get away every once and a while.” Lucifer argued looking at Jehovah then looked back at Susan, “Besides I like pizza and good company.” Lucifer finished folding his arms.

Susan let out a sigh.

“There is just no winning with you is there?”

“Yes.” “No.”

Jehovah and Lucifer said respectively at the same time. Then looked at each other.

“Fine!” Susan said sitting on her couch and changing the channel to the listings, “Who wants to watch a movie before I get back to work?”

“Oh do they have the ten commandments?” Jehovah asked sitting on the couch next to Susan.

“I was thinking something more like Gone with the Wind tonight personally.” Lucifer said sitting on the other side of Susan.

Both Susan and Jehovah looked at Lucifer in skeptically.

“What? It’s a good movie.” Lucifer said then waved his hand and several pizza boxes appeared along with bottles of soda and more beer, “Dinner is on me tonight.” As he grabbed a box and took a piece out and handed the box to Susan.


End file.
